1 Peter 3:1 is one of the “trickier” Scripture verses to apply practically in a marital relationship, especially when the wife is a Christian, and the husband is not.  In my last blog, we saw how Peter connects general submission (everyone is to submit to the proper authorities over us, following Christ’s example) with the way a wife is to submit to God’s mission under her husband’s servant leadership.  But what happens if the wife believes her unbelieving husband’s decisions—or lack of them—are not producing the outcomes she seeks?  What is she to do?

1 Peter 3:1 says, “wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives.”  What makes this so compelling is that the premise (“if any of them do not believe the word”) is implied as true (e.g., “Since they are unbelievers”), thereby making the resultant clause (“they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives”) the bullseye of evangelistic witness.  Here, obedience to God under HIS mission (submission) finds its greatest leverage under the power of the Holy Spirit.  In living her life before her unbelieving husband, God positions her to behave so that he can see the character of God in influential ways, hopefully turning him towards the Lord.  Notice that the emphasis is on behavior, not words.  No one likes to be nagged!

While spiritual influence through submission is Peter’s intent in this context, it is imperative to remember that biblical submission is never a license for spouse abuse.  There are specific biblical directives given not only in this text but elsewhere commanding husbands to love and to treat their wives with honor and respect, regardless if they are Christian or not (Ephesians 5:25-32; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16; Proverbs 31:28).  Peter’s objective in calling wives to submission (“in the same way” in 3:1) is to encourage wives with unbelieving husbands to trust God and to entrust their lives—along with their husbands—to God just as Christ entrusted his life to the mission of his heavenly Father as seen in 1 Peter 2:23: “when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”  Biblical submission in all its dimensions realizes that our lives are totally and completely in God’s merciful hands and that His grace will enable and protect us in times of trial and need. 

How is biblical submission lived out practically in a wife’s life?  Peter mentions four tangible ways her life is lived out as an evangelistic witness to her unbelieving husband.

• Through godly behavior (3:1).  The word “behavior” is concerned with how one treats and deems another person.  In this verse, the tense of “won over” is in the rare “future passive indicative”, not guaranteeing that a husband will be converted, but rather that the possibility of seeing a husband influenced is advantageously greater when the wife lets her life speak louder than her words.  While words can build up, they can also damage; however, godly, quiet, respectful behavior builds strong, lasting bridges into a person’s heart.
• Through godly purity (3:2).  “Purity” carries the idea of “an attribute of the divinity and everything belonging to it” (Arndt and Gingrich’s Greek Lexicon, p.11), meaning that when an unbelieving husband sees his wife’s godly behavior and character, he catches a glimpse of God within her.  From his watch, her life is not stained by life’s banalities.  God’s brilliance shines in and through her.
• Through godly reverence (3:2). Where purity concerns her stance before God, “reverence” involves the human respect she gives to her husband, complementing Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:33.  Coupled with purity, the vertical and horizontal dimensions of character show a tag-team effort to influence her unbelieving husband towards spiritual things.
• Through godly beauty (3:3-6). Purity and reverence produce a beauty that transcends human attractiveness most often valued in the natural world.  A wife of godly character possesses a “gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  In 1 Peter 3:5, the connection between beauty and “hope in God” is established with Sarah portrayed as an example.  Biblical hope is not wishful thinking; instead, it is a quiet trust and confidence in God’s ability to protect and to provide.  It also implies a calm dependence upon God to change an unbelieving husband in God’s time; however, it is not an automatic ticket.  Hope clings to the person of God, nothing less.

What makes these qualities truly potent as a spiritual influence is that a wife can find comforting assurance in knowing that her unbelieving husband is watching her life and behavior closely.  “See” in 1 Peter 3:2 is the root verb for “eyewitness,” found only here and in 2:16 in the entire NT.  Its noun form appears in 2 Peter 1:16 where the apostles were called “eyewitnesses” to Christ’s teaching and miracles, qualifying them as human authors of Scripture.  The idea here is that unbelieving husbands are actively watching their saintly wives—especially when they don’t think they are watching—and forming conclusions about their faith in God.  It complements Paul’s admonition to Timothy to “watch your life and your doctrine closely.  Persevere in them, because if you do, you save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:16).  Wives should take courage to know that their character is noticed by their unregenerate husbands, and that if practiced with godly purity and respect, it will have some sanctifying effect upon them.  Whether that effect is enough to “win them over” to the cause of Christ is known only to God himself.