So far in this blog series contrasting biblical marriage with post-Christian depictions of marriage, we have noticed that in contrast to the post-Christian’s concept of role equality with shared mutualities between spouses, the biblical portrait emphasizes that the husband is to take the sacrificial, leadership initiative towards his wife in a way that patterns the loving sacrifice of Christ for His church.  But how does this look practically in a nourishing, caring, marital relationship?  From Ephesians 5, it means at least three practical things.

Practically speaking, a husband’s mission and decision starts with loving and putting his wife FIRST over himself. Ephesians 5:25 states: “husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  The adverb “just as” (καθὼς) clearly reciprocates the dynamic actions seen in Christ’s example with the actions expected in the husband’s life.  Just as Christ loved the church, husbands are commanded (ἀγαπάω is in imperative mode) to love their wives with that same sacrificial, selfless love.  It is a Spirit-driven love that willingly puts her ahead of him. To state it more clearly, it is a kingdom of God-driven love that elevates the wife to a level higher than where she is now.  It is a love that bestows benefits and riches beyond measure for her, the recipient of this love.

Elsewhere, the apostle tells us how this love looks in daily life: “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).  This is the quality of love God expects from the husband.  This quality of love comes from a man who is under a mission. 

Husbands, if you know what God’s mission is for your home and for your life, this is how you will love your wife.  When your life is held by the sovereign hand of God and you know His mission, you cannot help but turn around and love your wife with that same quality of sacrificial love.  The love of Christ for the church is a secure, stable, grounded love that gives the church an amazing identity.  Because of that safe, sound and certain love shown by Christ for His church, you are commanded to embody that divine love and to show it to your wife in the same way, instilling in her and in everything connected to her with a secure, grounded identity.  First and foremost, this means sacrificial, giving love.

What does sacrificial love produce?  Paul reveals several results that come from divine love:  holiness (26, 27), cleansing (26), radiance (27), no stains, no wrinkles nor blemishes (27) and blamelessness (27).  The kind of love that truly changes people in redemption also transforms your wife in incredible ways. 

When people see a husband sacrificially loving, honoring and caring for his wife’s well-being, people see the image of the Triune God! God’s nature is so great that He sent Christ to this earth with a missional love.  Likewise, a husband’s actions should be so attractively compelling as a witness to God’s glory that when people see him loving his wife, they should say, “my, that man is on a mission!”  In living out this mission love to his wife, the world will see the nature of God.

Practically speaking, a husband is to love his wife as his own body. The apostle wants to remind husbands of the practical side of this quality of missional love.  In Ephesians 5:28 he states: “in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.”  He repeats this thought in 5:33, “however, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.”  Obviously, this conjures allusions of the spiritual oneness image in Genesis 2:24 that Paul directly quotes in 5:31. What makes this practical command so powerful is that he uses the words “in this same way” (5:28) to show how Christ’s ἀγάπη love for the church should be seen in the same patterns and expressions.  In effect, what he is saying to husbands is, “whatever it takes to make your wife holy, clean, radiant, blameless, unblemished, wrinkle-free and stainless, do it!”  When people see these qualities in wives, they will know that their husbands are following the same actions and journey that Christ performed for His bride, the church.

Practically speaking, a husband’s love is a nourishing love.  Paul continues his practical reflection in 5:29, “after all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.”  In loving the church, Christ not only sacrificed His life for her salvation, but now in her state of sanctification (spiritual growth), He gave the church two important resources—His Word and His Holy Spirit—to enable His body to grow healthy.  Following this example in giving, husbands are commanded to love their wives by feeding them spiritually and by caring for them with words and with a presence that is empowering, encouraging and enriching.  Spiritual feeding and care showcase the nourishing kind of love that husbands are commanded to give their wives, patterned and modeled after the caring and nurturing love that Christ already gave his church.

Wives, do you think you would be interested in this quality love coming your way?  Biblical love from submission is possible when your husbands realize that they are the freest when they follow Christ and when they see that God has a mission for them that centers around YOU.