We’re comparing and contrasting in this blog series several prevalent marriage themes with the hopes of seeing which belief system—the post-Christian culture’s viewpoint or the Bible’s depiction—actually works the best in cultivating and sustaining a meaningful, lasting marriage.  Today, we consider marital unity—the ongoing, deliberate, intentional choice by spouses to intertwine their minds (how they think), their hearts (emotions), and passions (beliefs) in the pursuit of soul-unity.  How does current post-Christian culture value marital unity, and how does the Bible view it?

It is helpful to remember at this point that marital unity is not sexual intimacy (another forthcoming blog).  Marital unity is the desired state that many couples pursue in order to know in fuller ways their spouse’s beliefs, perspectives, and convictions about issues and topics of concern that promote their well-being and life.  Here, both belief systems espouse marital unity as a preferred value to pursue and to cultivate in the marriage relationship.  But does one system offer a blueprint (example) for reaching unity?

You can search extensively in the post-Christian world for “how-to” principles for marital unity, and it will quickly become a pursuit in futility.  Modern psychology and sociology both advocate and support the quest for marital unity, but oftentimes lack definitive, time-tested principles that champion altruistic devotion of one spouse to his/her mate (giving exclusively for the total well-being of the other without expecting anything in return).  As a result, post-Christian culture’s marital unity is reached only at the superficial level of mental understanding of/for the other, oftentimes failing to go to a level of emotional life, and then lacking deeper dives to the spiritual dimension of existence.

In contrast, the biblical pattern of marital unity is not found within the couple, nor in their abilities and self-created capacities, but rather in the image of God (imago Dei).  From the creation account in Scripture that patterns the husband—wife relationship after the intra-Trinitarian bonds between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, the husband is enabled—in dependence upon God the Creator who equipped him to give and to lead—to initiate and to pursue his wife by sacrificially loving her with a love shown by Christ who gave His life for His church (Ephesians 5:25-33).  In this model of self-sacrifice demonstrated by Christ for His beloved, the husband is empowered by God’s Spirit to give himself to his wife sacrificially for her benefit (purifying her, showing pride in her, and loving her like his own body).  In this caring, protecting, nurturing, and providing mindset, the wife not only sees the penetrating desire of her husband for her, SHE FEELS IT.

While Scripture repeatedly presents the initiating and ongoing responsibility of creating marital unity on the husband’s shoulders, the wife—also following the example set by the Holy Trinity—shows passion in the pursuit of sustaining marital unity with her husband.  The action images depicted in the Proverbs 31:10ff “noble woman” picture a woman that promotes her marriage and home in a way that honors her husband in an environment of trust and praise:

• She does things to win his confidence (11).
• She brings him good (12).
• She is industrious (13-14, 24).
• She is a responsible provider and home steward (15-16, 18).
• She has a strong work ethic (17, 19).
• She is compassionate (20).
• She is a forward-thinker (21-22).
• She brings respect to her husband (23).  Why can he sit at the gate with the elders?  Verse 27: “She watches over the affairs of her household.”
• She is spiritually strong and wise (25-26).
• She nurtures her children, bring her husband’s praise (28).
• She has spiritual priorities, bringing her wisdom and favor (30, see also 9:10).

Marital unity (the Bible calls it “one flesh”) is the deliberate, intentional, pursuing, intertwining effort from a husband to his wife with the intent to give her inner-being verve, value, love, significance, encouragement, and soul-satisfaction.  Likewise, the wife deliberately pursues her husband’s inner-life in order to give him dignity, honor, proper self-pride, and respect.  When both parties pursue the altruistic-good of the other in an attempt to reach deeper mental, emotional, and spiritual unity, happiness and fulfillment will mark the marriage relationship.  It is here that the Bible presents the only road map that can get you there.