In this series, we’re comparing and contrasting the biblical portrait of marriage with the ideals and beliefs of marriage most often propounded by post-Christian culture channels such as pop music, cinema, television, and fashion.  In current thought, sustainability is an important concept in relationships, whether one is concerned with business viability (relationships with new or existing customers), national security (relationships with allied partners to secure safety), or personal contentment (meaningful relationships with others).  In this light, it is agreed that sustainability necessitates personal commitment in order to secure the long-term value and benefit from the relationship.  How does the Bible and post-Christian thought value the maintenance and endurance of the marriage relationship over the long-haul?

Keep in mind that this compare-contrast discussion is not focused at the individual level, but at the cultural dimension (how the power centers of thought present it).  With this in mind, how does television, cinema, and pop art present the cultivation and sustainability of the married relationship?  Repeatedly, marriage is seen by the current cultural “icons” as something beneficial, yet something that’s short-term, the fulfilling of personal needs, wants, and desires—many of them erotic and/or sexual—for a conditional period of time.  As long as “the goods can be delivered” that bring satisfaction to the other, the marriage will continue.  But if/when the flow of personal benefit(s) ceases, oftentimes the couple parts ways in search of greener pastures (fresh relationships).

Some of the biggest names in music, movies, politics, art, sports—even organized religion—could be named at this point to prove this point of “conditional sustainability.”  While most, if not all of them tout the value and benefits that come from committed love, the marriage partnership is most often viewed with a seasonable provision: “for as long as we both shall LOVE.”  In other words, “as long as I choose to love you and to receive something back from you, we’ll continue this relationship.”  However, in too many instances, love fizzles, and divorce puts the marriage “on the rocks.”  The famous song line, “looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces” illustrates this principle.

In contrast, the Bible presents a fulfilling marriage relationship as a life-long, self-initiating investment from the husband and the wife to each other, a deliberate giving of one’s life to the other “for as long as we both shall LIVE.”  This necessitates a leaving and cleaving commitment, presented in Genesis 2:24:

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

From the Christian perspective, leaving is a deliberate decision to depart bodily and geographically from the parents’ home and influential realm (yes, the parental relationship is still important, but now it is no longer the primary bond), in conjunction with the commitment to leave financially (the couple no longer depends on the parents to “bail” them out), emotionally (the couple no longer depends on the parents to be their “problem-solvers”), and spiritually (the couple no longer can depend on their parents to cultivate their religious convictions.  They must nurture their own spiritual beliefs). 

As they leave their parents’ dominion, they make the conscious decision—for a lifetime—to initiate and to pursue one another repeatedly for ongoing satisfaction, to penetrate each other at the soul level in order to understand, to empathize, to bond, and to sustain one another in the good and the troubling seasons of life, to cherish one another in ways that fill up each other’s “internal cup,” and to value each other privately and publicly in ways that treasure and build up each other for the health and happiness of the relationship.  This “love for a lifetime” commitment sees self-giving to the other as paramount to the success of the relationship, patterning this commitment after the example of Jesus Christ (the bridegroom) for His Church (the bride) with a daily desire to self-give, to sacrifice, and to foster altruistic benefit for the other.

Once a teenager asked his grandfather, “gee Grand-dad, your generation didn’t have all these social and venereal diseases.  What did you wear to have safe sex?”  His wise grandfather replied, “we wore a wedding band.”  With sustained, life-long commitment, not only do personal lives possess the potential for realized emotional and psychological contentment, but also children and communities stand to benefit from it as well.